Inventory Jokester Pillows

'I remember when tea leaves were the state of the art method of determining your inventory needs.'

Do it yourself books.

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"What?"

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

'I'm worried - she insisted on closing every one of her accounts while she waited...'

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

'Did you or did you not make my client laugh so hard that milk came out his nose, causing the kids at his cafeteria table to laugh at him?'

"The DVD you want is on my right earlobe."

'We're all out of the (bar code) but can I interest you in the (different bar code)?'

"This space intentionally left blank."

'Here's a twenty. Go nuts.'

STRIP Hambone: Techinical support in layman's terms #2

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

GPS Shoes

101 uses of a dead cat: chaps.

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

'The movie doesn't scare me - the commercials do.'

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'

Roger's computer crashes.

"I thought we said no presents!"

"For God's sake Dennis, that was the budgie!"

Velcro Paws.

'Are you still going steady with that left leg at number thirty six?'

Detox. Before and after.

'I don't know how, but he has the bird flu.'

"I suppose we could convert it to bitcoin."

"Actually, I was hoping for someone more bullish as my broker."

Terrierists.