Interview Tips Fans Pillows

'Have you any other references apart from your mother's?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Do you have any other skills?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Have you got a resume?'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

I think you should go after my job!

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'