Interview Pro Pillows

'We'll be in touch. I still have to interview a few other applicants.'

'His references don't check out and he knows zip about the industry--but that handshake!'

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"I see by your resume you multitask. You're both a Hunter and a Gatherer."

'My dad said I should wear a tie.'

'Impressive résumé. Any character references, mom?'

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'Does your company have a dental plan?'

'What's your usual response to criticism?' - 'Extreme surprise.'

Interview Wear: Sale.

"After I expounded on my greatness all morning, it's funny he never complimented me on my humility."

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"And where do you see yourself an eternity from now?"

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

The Job Interview

Avoid going into any interview with too many expectations.

'I'm not really a super hero. I padded my resume.'

'So, Mr. Vinelli, where do you see yourself in 5 to 20?'

'Very impressive. If we ever need an arm wrestler, we'll be sure to give you a call.'

'I´m sorry, but I cannot show you the job description yet. We don´t want to lose you, even before you sign the contract.'

"I see that your curriculum vitae is very good..."

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

What we're looking for is someone who can dream big and work within our budget.

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"And now I have a few trick questions."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"Feel free to watch yourself while we go through the vetting process."

Personnel. Do I believe the ends justify the means? I don't know. I never get that far with anything.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!