Interview Mockery Fan Gifts

'I suppose you think you're sitting there imagining me in the nude.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'Cat job interviews.'

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"Or...we could suggest a three-way."

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'Our next guest is an economist who is the author of the first economic theory that proves that money makes the world go round.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

'Have you any other references apart from your mother's?'

"Go to sleep, Harold... you've prepared enough for the third years!"

'We're looking for a consensus-building team player, if that's all right with you.'

'Okay, the print media convicted you...but trust me, the video media will overturn the verdict.'

'You know, I was buying this resume until I got to the part about you serving on your town's Ouija Board.'

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

'Uh oh. Cougar alert.'

Other than the water cooler and the soda machine, can you operate other office equipment?

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'

"We're looking for a tough, aggressive guard dog. Have you been neutered? No, wait ??" I'm not allowed to ask that."

"I'd remind you not to fly too close to the sun, but no one's ever accused you of aiming too high, have they?"

'Candor is a plus.'

'We're really looking for an applicant who's got more snip, snail and puppy dog tail.'

'Mrs Smith, get me a dictionary for my TV interview and have the words yes and no removed!'

"I told the interviewer I was involved in organized crime, because I thought he'd be impressed that I was organized."

'Can you type?'...'Do you mean literally?'

"I'm looking for a position with limited accountability."

Another Spin?

"Bloody left-wing cartoonists! They keep drawing me in a one-sided way, but I'm a multifaced personality!"