Interview Maestros T-Shirts

"This is Mr Smith, he's our new recruitment expert."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

Four children playing the flute.

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Busking, "Stop worrying your father for money."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Cat job interviews.'

Two plans - one long-term and one short-term.

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

Bad Interview Technique

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

Presenter Auditions.