Interview Investigator Pillows

"Any other recommendations?"

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

I'm a self-made man!

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Do you have any other skills?

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'