Interview Intrigue Pillows

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

On paper, all applicants were very impressive. . . but clearly some were more experienced than others!

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

Do you have any other skills?

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"Seriously?"

'He will observe your text now...'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Have you got a resume?'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

I think you should go after my job!

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

'I'm quite impressed with your bloodthirstiness but we won't be able to offer you health benefits eternally.'

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."