Interview Interpreter Gifts

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

I'm a self-made man!

Dialogue

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

She - Interpreter - He.

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Do you have any other skills?

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."