Interview Interpreter Gifts

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Dialogue

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

I'm a self-made man!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

She - Interpreter - He.

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Do you have any other skills?

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."