Internet Relationships Gifts

'I mean like from 'lonely' to 'desperate'.'

'We met online, but we don't seem able to take our relationship to the next level.'

'It's been nice meeting you, Brian, but can we go back to having a virtual relationship?'

"Todd and I are doing our best to make it work by never meeting in real life."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"Our online romance needs fresh start. I think it's time to hit 'ctrl', 'alt', 'delete'."

Nethead strip: Internet relationships

"Are bringing your new girlfriend to the office party?"

"When I say we met online, I haven't physically seen him yet."

"Be honest, are you internet dating somebody else?"

"I tried a dating website and found true love. She confides all her personal problems to me, and even her bank account number."

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Life is for the birds.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"You do like octopus?"