Internet Relationships Gifts

'I mean like from 'lonely' to 'desperate'.'

'We met online, but we don't seem able to take our relationship to the next level.'

'It's been nice meeting you, Brian, but can we go back to having a virtual relationship?'

"Todd and I are doing our best to make it work by never meeting in real life."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"Our online romance needs fresh start. I think it's time to hit 'ctrl', 'alt', 'delete'."

Nethead strip: Internet relationships

"Are bringing your new girlfriend to the office party?"

"When I say we met online, I haven't physically seen him yet."

"Be honest, are you internet dating somebody else?"

"I tried a dating website and found true love. She confides all her personal problems to me, and even her bank account number."

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Life is for the birds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Romance

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love