Internet-free Fun Pillows

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

Clown Skis.

'Wow! School's only been out for ten minutes, and I've already forgotten everything I learned.'

Teddy Bear

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

"This may take a minute as my mom's menu options have changed."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

A boy blows a raspberry at birds

"People will pay anything to get away from it all. These babies don't even have WiFi on them."

Death Photobombs a Holiday

'I won't bother to bath Mum, we're playing again tomorrow!'

"I'll wear any kind of dirt, but I prefer a rich loam with lots of humus."

Swing without a tree

"There's no phones, social media, selfies, reality TV, online trolls, political-correctness or fake news."

'I'm not making a mess, Mom - I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

Naughty Kid using a bin lid as a catapult.

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

'Times sure have changed. When I was your age, I made them from scratch.'

"It's for my husband's birthday party. Do you have a piñata filled with beer?"

"When I was young, we made statements using signs and marches!"

Whatever 'shenanigans' are, they must be long. Grandma says there's no end to mine!

"Let's bury the TV remote and all the cell phones, then sit back and watch what happens."

Santa entering a pool for a swim

"My summer vacation report contains descriptions of excessive sugar consumption, and unsupervised play. Listener discretion is advised."

'Now this how you handle the end of summer...'

'All the fourth grade guys took a blood oath not to learn anything during the summer.'

'Dear Santa, I want a super plasma intruder. One that blows fire and eats people and destroys citys!!!!! Jimmy. ps Have a merry Christmas!

"It's face painting Friday."

364 days a year jobless. Please help!

"Well that's one way of getting your ball on the green. . ."