Internet Arguer Pillows

I'm exhausted, Randy. What happened, little buddy? It's my side gig, where I back people up in online arguments for $5 per thread. I got a new client at 3 a.m. last night

'I just read your blog. Do you want to settle this on or off line?'

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

"It's something new I've been trying. Social scientists call it 'Productive Disagreement.'"

'He started it!'

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

"Sucker!" / "Stirrer!"

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

'It was definitely a bang. You heard it, I heard it, end of discussion.'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

'Why can't you just think irrationally every once in a while?'

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'Maybe that'll teach you not to argue with the waiter over the bill!'

Lawyers - Man challenging a barrister

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

"I'm going to be a lawyer so I'll be arguing both sides."

Net Neutrality

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

Mixed marriage: food fight

The First Asshole

Arguing with Edna was enough to make the brain fly out of any logical man.

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

"To be fair, Martha, you started it."

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

Cockfight of words

"My concession speech will be brief. You win."

'I will only need to talk to you in order to contradict what you've said.'

'Recently my wife and I have had a row of these down the middle of the bed!'

Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't