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"U.S. stocks rose on news of a rise in American fast food sales, and heart angioplasties, in China."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Isn't there an app for this?"

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

Jumping Wall Street.

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"That shirt is so last year."

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

'Tech stocks rose on news that nerds are now considered 'hip'.'

Giraffe Selfie

"What are you doing?"

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

'In a Washington economic summit, a panel of three economists offered two dozen opinions about the direction of global economics.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

"One man with a mustache is manly. Sexy. Magnetic."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"