Interior Irony Pillows

The room you gave me was so small every time I bent over I rearranged the furniture.

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Duvet nailed to the floor.

'This is my natural habitat.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

"The water for your fishbowl was approved, but it looks like for now you're not getting the fish."

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

"It's the latest directive from senior management about how to run a 'paperless office'!"

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

The Enemies Within? They're the Boys in Blue

'You were the last person I expected to fall down on the job, Trubshaw.'

"What do you think?"

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

Budget Recliner

'I'm starting to think this will be a year without any raises.'

'Don't you think you may have overdone it with the layoffS?'

After the party the Millers return to their underground lair.

'Your experience is nil, qualifications lacking, references horrible, and you fulfill MY need for job security perfectly...YOU'RE HIRED!'

The buck stops here briefly, then goes on its merry way

"You should have been here last week. This is clean coal."

'You say here you're eager to 'push the envelope.' Great! We'll place you in the mail room.'

Staff care...DOH style!

"You're my star employee of the week for last week."

'Sir, we're a real team! None of us knows how to do things right!'

Duck has human t-shirts on wall.

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui