Interior Designer's Nightmare Gifts

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Clown couple in bed with wavy mirror above their bed.

A Bedroom In The Middle Of Being Redecorated.

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

"I can really picture settling down and destroying a suburban family's attic with you."

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"I told you that TV would be too big for this room."

It's nice, but we were hoping for something unfurnished.

"Just imagine this room fully carpeted with multi-level platforms and cubbies."

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

Open-Plan Psychiatry

"Be honest...did you actually get any paint on the living room walls?"

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"This is a great little vase! and now it makes me thing we should redo the living room."

Man defaces a painting to make it fit above his fireplace.

"My decorating style is more like 'Flung Shui'."

'When we converted the pub into a house, we decided to keep some of the original features.'

"Yes, I did say I wanted a TV mounted on the wall. But, I was referring to a new, light flat screen."

'Wouldn't it have been easier to cut off the top of the tree?'

Coming home to an empty apartment made him realize just how much he needed stuff.

'Days until miminimalism is over and we can get our things out of storage...'

After the party the Millers return to their underground lair.

"I wish the government would speed up the conversion of this base to civilian use."

"I'm thinking about a complete makeover. An extra wick or two and a scent infusion."

'We have your recliner. Don't call the cops. We'll be in touch!'

'Got any changing rooms to try this one on?'

Watching TV through window - "You should have measured the doorway first."

"I liked the couch better where it was."