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'...And this is my man cave.'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

Trouble Ahead

Big buttocks.

"It's off-white, but a little too off. It may get very tiring. What do you think?"

"Would you like your custom blinds to get stuck on the left or on the right?"

'What your Christmas tree says about you.'

'It's not my childhood memories that are painful... it's this spring in your couch!'

'Miss Jenkins, get me a smaller desk or a larger office.'

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

'You say 'exorbitant' like it's a bad thing.'

Feng Shui - I've found the perfect position for the book, darling.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"And this is our extended family room."

"I worry about you, Dinkins. . . you seem to be losing the big picture."

'I am sorry about this vicar, but my wife has just had new carpets fitted.'

"I think we've hit peak rock."

'If you can overlook the newspaper on the floor, this isn't bad for a starter home.'

'Feng Shui class'

"I guess new carpeting was a bad idea."

"Comfy armchairs always have money!"

Wallpaper Paste Co. Robbery.

Yellow Fever: What you may catch if your painter sneezes.

"Could I have another quick look at your references, Barker?"

"I'm so glad that you could pop round to see the new carpet."

The Secret Lives of Lamps.

Bath Tiles.

'I forgot to tell you that when George went through his armchair pilot phase he installed ejection seats.'

'I made the mistake of redoing the house in Limousin oak, right before Jack decided to start barrel aging his merlot.'

'I'll take it!'

"Darling, a rather uncomfortable distance has developed between me and the furniture."

"Notice how the rug really ties the crime scene together."

Armchair Is Highly Decorated

Waiting Room Quarterly