Intercom Installers Pillows

Captain, we installed speakers here in the restroom. There are voices in my head.

Atomic Bear: Part 22

"I see the downsizing continues."

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"Oh...Hi Bob, listen buddy, I'm in a meeting right now, I'll Caw you back."

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

Trumpled

"This is a computer speaking. I will now misconnect you and your party."

'Don't call us, we'll call you, inc,'

Cavity wall insulation in a gingerbread house.

"When did they add this channel?!"

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff..."

Texting. Hardware. Software. Plans. Most of our business comes from word-of-thumb.

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

Installing a humped road sign in a camel enclosure.

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

"Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Just kidding. Get me the Paulson file."

'Never mind what I'm wearing!'

"Sky, sir?"

"Operator, I'd like to make a person-to-person call, and I'd like to reverse the roles."

'I hear they're going to cable.'

' I think this 3D TV will take some getting used to, Dear!'

Marriage counselor clients: 'Always right,,,never wrong'

'All our operators are busy with customers who don't have an eternity to wait.'

RSI

"That's the problem with these 'smart' appliances. When one breaks down, they all experience sympathetic malfunction."

"It's more of a conversation piece, really."

"But if we let you pick and choose your own stations, that could hurt a lot of feelings."