Intelligence Agencies Gifts

Government Intelligence

FBI, 'Things are slow, Bensonhurst -- let's investigate the CIA.'

CIA 'They gave me a license to kill, but it says I have to wear glasses.'

The Anti-Agent

In the future, human thought will enter an age of clarity and purity never before dreamed of.

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"National security adviser"

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

The Circular Logic of Fascism

CIA report

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

"Either we spend millions on new technology to erase each agent's memory following a sensitive assignment, or we just start hiring people over fifty."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

'To paraphrase Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is the NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, IRS, DIA, EPA, FTC, FCC...'

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"Ok, I found a secure line."

"That's hardly necessary!"

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

'More government surveillance!'

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

Thinking with the left side of the brain/Thinking with what's left of your brain.

'I can't read their smoke signal. It's encrypted.'

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

The Best Defense

USA in Pakistan: I'm the sheriff and I shot my deputy...

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"Mr. Miranda....we are using 'schedule 7' to hold you on suspicion of knowing someone who knew someone who was a whistleblower...."

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

Legalish

"I've dabbled in espionage, but my main area of expertise is self-sabotage."