Intellectual Banter Buddy Pillows

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I think it stopped breathing."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Peach flirting with a banana.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

"I'll have a man overboard!"

"These brisk fall afternoons remind me of Chekhov, which reminds me of Putin, then Trump, the alt-right, facism, nuclear weapons ... let's go home."

"Is that neat whisky?"

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

"Care for an oxymoron?"

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

The Art of Bantering!

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'That guy is SO tacky.'

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

Rudolf Carnap