Insurance Cynic Pillows

"You do have health insurance....right?"

"Aliens poked and experimented on me for 8 hours -- and there wasn't even a co-pay!"

'Bad news. The insurance company is pulling the plug on your medical coverage.'

The H.M.O. Expensive Care Unit: The we all have to go sometime ward.

Stock market investment advice

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

307 days without an accident.

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

'Well we could operate. That would give you something to talk about. But that would get old quick, and them you'd be even more boring.' Why the dull rarely seek help.

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

Where HMO's are headed

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'