Investment Cynic Pillows

"So leaving it with a broker didn't do any good at all?"

Stock market investment advice

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"Stocks rose today on news that even higher taxes won't stop the rich from getting richer."

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

Who is stupid enough to buy this crap?

'Rumors...'

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

'Dad, is it true what they say about lemmings following each other off a cliff?' 'If they work at a company like mine, it is.'

"Oh you know, insider trading and fudging the number before lunch and then some fraud in the afternoon. How was your day?"

'I don't revere this guy because he founded the company. He's the one who tried to talk me out of getting into this business in the first place.'

'Good job on screwing up the economy. Now make global warming worse.'