Instruction Explorer T-Shirts

'I almost read an instruction manual from cover-to-cover once.'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

Yoga for Alcoholics

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

Baby Playing Violin

"It's an honest mistake I'm sure we'll never hear of again."

Timpani.

Exercise Bars

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"I cross the road to forget."

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

The Elephant in the Womb

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

Gym. You lost a pound this week? It's only because I always leave here too tired to go looking for it!

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Museum of Natural Cliches

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

"They say the early bird gets the worm, but something's rotten in Denmark with this scenario!"

'Mommy! Larry's making faces again!'

"I though you said I should take the ball and slowly meander around with it."