Instruction Explorer T-Shirts

'I almost read an instruction manual from cover-to-cover once.'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

Yoga for Alcoholics

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

'Hang in there, Larry, those endorphins will soon kick in.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Baby Playing Violin

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"It's an honest mistake I'm sure we'll never hear of again."

Timpani.

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"I cross the road to forget."

Exercise Bars

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

The Elephant in the Womb

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'Let's cut right through to the heart of the matter.'

"You scratch my back, I'll scratch your is just a figure of speech, Ned. A little left, and higher."

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

Museum of Natural Cliches

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"They say the early bird gets the worm, but something's rotten in Denmark with this scenario!"

"I ask you, what would life be like without similes?"

"I though you said I should take the ball and slowly meander around with it."

Devil in the detail