Instruction Decipherer T-Shirts

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

'Connect insert A, B, and C into slots D, E, and F. Tighten using assembly tool G. What in the H are they talking about?'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

DIY horror.

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"I can't have anything that's a food."

'Of course you can't have the chef's salad. What will the chef eat?'

Frustrated Dad's and Toy Construction.

'I almost read an instruction manual from cover-to-cover once.'

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Maze of legalities.

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"Maybe if you'd read the instructions then you'd be able to solve it."

'I've never seen this symbol before. What could it mean?'

"I believe it translates to... have a nice day."

"That Pink Slime I keep hearing about; is that a hamburger or the dessert?"

'This prescription looks as though the doctor wrote it in Greek.'

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

"What you need is a prescription. I'm giving you some...."

'What do you say we throw caution to the wind and order something we can't pronounce?'

Two tourists inspecting a French sign

Pharmacist, prescriptions - "It's a forgery, I can read it."

Dept of statistics: 'vital...nonessential'.

"Herbert! You don't know how to order here! It's a different language...they'll eat you alive!"