Instant Gratification Analyst Gifts

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"These feelings of yours aren't unusual - in fact, several of them have Web sites."

"I think my Harry must be practicing some sort of Tantric fishing. He'll be at it for hours and not catch a thing."

"I just dialed 1-800-BAGUETTE."

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"She's always like this at this time of the month,short tempered, insecure,anxious,questioning why she does the job!" "PMT?" "Wageslip!"

'Teddy, someone from the Pentagon wants to talk to you about drones in Pakistan, whatever that means.'

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

'I know it's my third doughnut, but it's okay. I'm using the Pilates method of dunking.'

Your Sculpture while you wait.

'I've decided to narrate my own like in the third person today', he said - 'Oh, God. Not this again', she uttered plaintively. - 'Shut. Up.', she bellowed threatiningly at the fleeing man.

'How come I get two yellow cards?' - 'One for the foul and one for the instant reply.'

"I always choose immediate gratification over vague rewards at some unspecified time in the future."

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

'But how do I know you're really a genetic engineer?'

"Welcome to the Department of Delayed Gratification. Take a number."

"Judging by the noises your stomach is making, this app can suggest which restaurant to go to, and what and how much to order."

"My school day was mixed. Big gains in history class, English was flat, math declined by a quarter-grade, and I took a pounding at recess."

New Umpire Signals

'Gracie's the only kid I know who analyses her halloween sweets before eating them.'

Junk food is placed near produce section in grocery store.

Who needs a TV? We connect the cable directly to your brain!

"We texted you for cookies about 10 minutes ago. We don't like to be kept waiting Amber."

'Is the seven year flowering cactus in bud yet?'

Man pulls on cord which leads to 'Instant Gratification'.

'These home brew kits are great... I reckon they'd taste even better if I were to give them a chance to ferment!'

Positive Graph

"Young people these days are used to INSTANT feedback..."

"I know we don't need any, but I feel like some instant gratification."

"Baldo, have you thought about your future, your career?"

"I texted you 0.003 seconds ago and your haven't responded yet. Apparently, you're too busy for me!"