Insect Behavior Pillows

"Mom! You and dad won't believe this, but right now I'm watching two flies making out on top of a can of soda!!" Dan was really lonely.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Police Feline Unit

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Why do they do that?"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"No no, I said sit!!"

"Cat box"

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Santa Claus's Mail

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Cats may love you, but dogs go all the way.

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Romantic Giraffes

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Dog Nightmares

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'