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'Your grandfather's will is quite specific. You just get his ashes... and those only after they're been sifted and any gold teeth removed!'

"I know it was the old man's last wish when he died. . . but our CEO is now a cat!"

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Contest of wills.

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

'And now we come to the sore losers...'

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

Family Money - "I've been working on your family tree!"

Mother and child riding a DNA rollercoaster.

'One of these days this will all be yours and by then it should be making a profit.'

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

'It seems in the case of the late Little Miss Tuffet, where there's a will there's a whey.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

God changes His will.

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

'Your uncle had a very unusual will.'

'...and someday this will all be yours, Son.'

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

She's leaving me all her money.'

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."