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"Her mother would have been so proud."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

Contest of wills.

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'And now we come to the sore losers...'

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

Family Money - "I've been working on your family tree!"

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

Mother and child riding a DNA rollercoaster.

'One of these days this will all be yours and by then it should be making a profit.'

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

'It seems in the case of the late Little Miss Tuffet, where there's a will there's a whey.'

God changes His will.

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

'And to my no good nephew Milo, who thought he was going to get all my cash - lots of luck!'

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

'...and someday this will all be yours, Son.'

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

"When I'm gone all this will be yours son...but I'll be bankrupt by then so you'll probably get nothing!"

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.