Genetics Discussant T-Shirts

'Yeah - I must inherit it from Dad.'

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

Changing Minds

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'A geneticist laid bare my genetic blueprint, and I feel violated.'

"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."

'Oh, yeah? Well, my kid has accrued more college loan debt than your kid!'

'Ahhh . . . he's got your original nose.'

"Sorry -- The doctor is out -- But we have like 10 influencers available."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

'Happy New Ear!'

"I don't know whether we should keep it a secret or call the world press!?"

Organ Donor Card

"See? That's why my Mom wanted me to get her genetics."

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

DNA Analysis

'Good luck son, but genetically you are screwed.'

"We do not discuss religion or politics in this office. I feel compelled to add to the list 'American Idol'."

'Medical researcher have isolated the gene that makes us want to discuss our ailments with anyone we meet.'

'It used to be a dairy farm, but now the milk produces therapeutic proteins, and the eggs contain antibiotics.'

'These were developed in the 1980s - they're a heritage genetically modified variety.'

"Would you like me to get one our experts to tell you what you think of it."

"Dealing with a poorly informed public over GM crops is a nightmare...."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. Dear god-fearing jurors, I make a simple common-sense point: Of course man and monkey are not physically related. Have a look for yourself. Move to strike the example. Too late! They both stink. Hey!

Gorillas in the jungle.

'Yeah, so our parents used to run together... what of it?'

"I said to him eventually, I said marriage is something you're just going to have to do on your own."

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

Designer Baby.

'Here's my DNA sequence.'

"Aren't you afraid you might get too smart?"

"You remind me of myself at your age."