Ingredient Inventor Pillows

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

Toadstools

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

Honest Vending

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Is the MSG local?"

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

'Diet considerations.'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

The Burning Bush: How God convinced Moses to Lead His people a.k.a. the origin of s'mores.

'It's amazing how many recipes you can find with courgettes in them when you have to'

"If you liked tonight's meal, you might enjoy 'Making The Meal,' a documentary with outtakes and commentary when the cook ran out of eggs because someone put an empty carton back in the refrigerator..."

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"We're making progress."

'What the devil is that?' - 'I don't know, I haven't named it yet.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

Secret Family Recipes

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

"My trick for enjoying kale? I put in blueberries, a banana, a scoop of vanilla ice cream and ice. Then I throw the kale in the trash and blend."

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."