Infidelity Intrigue Appreciator Gifts

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

"I speak Latin, you know."

"Kiss, you idiot. Not hiss."

I need a raise. This is no time to joke. I've been on a buying binge at the iPhone app store and I can't pay my credit card. These apps are worth it. They're life-changing, they're

"...but, seriously..."

Quasimodo Drops a Clanger

"Have you got it in beige?"

'When I asked for a bottle of house red...'

'I don't know anything about art and I don't know what I like.'

Deadpan Delivery.

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

'...and bring a friend. If you have one...'

"Would you like him to sign a copy for you?"

Hedgehogs revenge.

"Vocabulary lesson. Billy Corey taught me the meaning of the word trouble."

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Ohmygosh! What? What? Is a Kardashian here? Major scandal. Epic proportions. Infidelity of the highest order. Sadie Cohen has been cheating on Uncle Mort. Can you believe it? Sadie! The very image of perfection revealed as a fraud! She's not the image of perfection. Stick with me. This is for narrative purposes. Oh, fine. No way! But she's so perfect!

'Doctor, you must help me...I seem to be hopelessly accident prone...' (Patient somehow gets covered in doctors ink)

"I don't jump on the countertops to annoy you. That's just a nice bonus."

Servant who has broken her mistress' new milk jug

'It's our wedding anniversary today, Pete, I bet my husband forgets all about it, again.'

"Not exactly the kind of morale boosting I had in mind."

'We had a clogged sink in the men's lavatory. I had to call in a Plumber.'

'-nobody has any manners nowadays,do they!'

"Your husband went back to his first wife and is already on board."

'Unfortunately sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn't all it at first seems...''

'What's wrong, haven't you heard of Global Warming?'

I may be marching to a difference beat, but you are hardly Gene Krupa!

"My wife's been seeing a psychiatrist. Also a pilot, a gardener and a plumber."

'Let's do something in bad taste.'

"Whoa, Baldo! That totally hot babe actually talked to you!"

"And give us this day our gravy bread..."