Infant Stage T-Shirts

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

A midwife holding a baby

'The child is very illogical'

Doughboy Dad

'Shhh... It's babies app time.'

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"They look so young and helpless."

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Help me!

Midlife: You Are Here.

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

Who's a cutey?

"So much for 'sleeping like a baby.'"

"She does this when she's tired."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

Quiet Time

'He's into Proust as only a child can be.'

'Excuse me mom, I've got to take a call.'

Maternity Ward: No Returns/No Exchanges

"Hush, little baby, don’t you cry ... ever."

"True, you're a butterfly now, but you still think like a caterpillar."

"She's cute all right. But, whoa, what a narcissist!"

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

Baby Teething Problems.

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

Actors' dispute.

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

"Baldo! Pick him up!"

'Wait a minute! I want it stirred, not shaken!'

"There's a big difference between being a method actor and a meth OD'd actor, Burt."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Don't let the Weetabix dry.'

The terrible 2's. It was an awful stage.