Inebriation Humor Appreciator Pillows

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

Playing Fetch.

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

baby sweetcorn...

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

Billy. The Kid.

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

'A cheeky red?'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.