Industry Aspirant T-Shirts

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

What else is there to wish for?

Not thinking BIG enough: Nickel & Dime Bank.

"Ms. Ray, you're getting a promotion! You're no longer my Gal Friday. You're now my Gal Saturday."

Tata: Goodbuy or Goodbye?

Directors chairs on movie set with Model, Actress, and Whatever on them

So close... Yet so far.

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

"I'm sorry but we do not promote just for participation."

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'I was only famous for 14 and a half minutes.'

"Grampa, when will I be old enough to ship jobs overseas?"

"Of course, we can't pay you. But just think of all the exposure you'll be getting!"

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

"So what makes you think you're the right person for this post?" "Well, I'm highly motivated, outgoing and independently minded. Isn't that right, Dad?"

'Mom, I can't go inside now! Business is great!!'

'How do you expect me to fine tune my act if you keep taking me to the principal's office?

"Our carbon footprint has been very, very good to us."

Small Business Loan of Pencils

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

"I know I'm good looking, but am I good looking enough to move to California?"

'I don't usually deal with headhunters on jobs that pay $21,500.'

'My long term plan is to grow with the company.'

'Sure, who wouldn't want to be a secretary. Secretary of State.'

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

'Are you actively seeking celebrity status?'

"But I want a career, a family, and a cracker"

Pygmy giant squid

How come nothing good ever happens to me? Like what? Like getting taken by a foreign government then rescued. I want to get a book contract, to be part of the news cycle, to have him talk about me. Whom? Speak my name, Anderson Cooper! The great one.

'I tried for a new lease on life, but I got a lousy credit report.'

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

'Thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you as soon as we lower our expectations.'