Industrial Relations Manager Gifts

Meaningful Negotiations?

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

Motivation to work

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Somehow, they get exempted from a lot of laws."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

Time Out For Teddy

Robot arm shows charity to a laid off beggar.

'That was when I closed five distribution centres, mothballed a factory and sacked 3,000 workers.'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Come to think of it, I can't think of the last time I saw a monarch around here."

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.

'We are an environmentally sensitive organization. We will have to do a background check on the size of your carbon footprint before we can make an offer of employment.'

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."

Project Manager Showdown

Food manufacturing industry in a soup.

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

'I told you I'd deal with your transfer request, Jenkins. Cut the deck!'

'We want people to see the human side of IT.'

Time Clock

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'