Independence Cheerleader Pillows

"You're about to enter a semi-autonomous region of this house."

Inclusive speech

'I know that it's the Fourth of July, but I still don't think an air conditioner is supposed to do this.'

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

....aaaand.... HELICOPTER!

Labour Protests

"So. . . no, you are not going to root for another team."

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

"Way to go, guys! When I gave you that pep talk before the game I didn't actually think you'd score a goal!"

Conformity

"Bore me to sleep, Daddy."

"Your depression isn't caused by anything physical. I suggest you root for another pro sports team."

Cristina Kirchner

Tennis Match.

'Any hot prospects on the horizon, Cathy?. . . Anyone new within a three-foot radius who's vaguely tolerable?'

"You have an outstanding balance."

Meet the new beach bod, same as the old beach bod.

'I want to go to a place where there's no parents!'

First Katrina, then oil spills. What's next, a plague of locusts?

Belleville Toy Store Next Exit (Scream until daddy pulls the car over.

Celebrate Independence Day: Divorce 1/2 Off

'I know you had a bad week, Dear, but you don't have to go through the communion line twice.'

'This is the kinda day I'm glad I'm not in business for myself.'

The PERFECTLY HAPPY BEING ALONE BOAT

'His fifth comeback to the ring...and only his first fight!'

Come on England

"The boos I can handle. It's the silence of the educated fans that rankles."

"I need everybody to come down to the garden to cheer on the tomatoes."

'Congratulations! You have a future president of the United States...if we ever get the good sense to elect a woman!'

'Business is terrible, I just can't compete with the supermarkets.'