Imposter Plotter Gifts

'I just can't figure it out.'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

'Is there a fireman in the house?'

"It's a setup."

"Would it have killed him to create a screened-in porch?!"

"These feelings of inadequacy are common among the inadequate."

Christmas escape plan

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

"My novel? I've put it on hold. I'm writing my response in case I get asked to do on eof those 'How I write' columns..."

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

A Vegetable Plot...

'Pasta imposter' "Oi! You're not vermicelli, you're cheese string..bugger off!!"

'This doesn't look good -- the masses are huddling.'

CIA, 'I'm suspended for three months? Great! -- it'll give me time to work on my book!'

'Spinach: The Prequel'

"It's a lot easier to throw someone under the bus when you have the app."

I'm not avoiding you!

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

"I set your phone to remind you every 5 minutes of what I want for Christmas. It's annoying, but effective."

'Frankly, your investment portfolio dropping 42 isn't quite the mystery plot we're looking for.'

'It's Gardner's Question Time for you.'

"Ding dong ditch is fun, but it's better to watch their reactions when you pretend to be soliciting."

'OK, give him a shove.'

'Aye, he'll come up a treat next spring.'

Lawn service conspiracy.

'Shhh. He's just playin' dead. Thinks he can survive the Flush.'

Cull people who like plastic plants.

"You both take the exits. I'll take the front entrance, and Gary... he's our fall guy."

"I built this scale model of town to plan out our bank robbery. I added the volcano for dramatic effect."

'You know the rules... Any news of the death of a relative to be on my desk by 5pm on the day before the match.'