Immediate Family Pillows

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

Hotel Reception in a Convention Center

"This year, I want our Christmas party to be cozy...small...intimate...we're inviting immediate family only!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'Ahhh...'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

Licensed Therapist

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

The Baby Walker

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

My First Camera

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

Impressing dad.

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'