Imaginative Humorists Pillows

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

Polly txt speak

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Here we are."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

Football Chameleon

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

The First Fire Stick

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

"Puss in cement boots"

Alien embryo growing in earth.

"She's a miniature."

Giant Monster in Bath

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"He looks just like your husband."

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'