Image-conscious Guru T-Shirts

'You must find it very tiring being a power-crazed megalomaniac?'

"National security adviser"

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"I really don't care what yours says. My weather app says rain for 40 days and 40 nights. I think you should probably go with that, Noah."

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

"You emptied your mind already? That was quick."

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

Public Relations 101: Today's Lecture: 'Weapons of mass deception.'

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

"Excuse me, it's my reminder to get a life."

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

Through thick and thin, John always managed to keep a stiff upper lip.

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

"Don't make me look fat!"

'It's an easy product to sell. We just have patients view themselves in high def.'

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

'Do you have anything that reeks of power?'

"I have 130 disciples following me on Twitter."

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

"The President wants a calm, measured, evenhanded speech that kicks some serious butt."

All-knowing mountain guru consults the internet.

"This will maintain your rebellious image in states with helmet laws."

"Yes, the glasses work well, but now that I can clearly see what we're fed, I've lost my appetite..."

'Make sure they fit straight'

"I'm sorry, Derek, but, now that Kelsey has learned how to convert JPEGs into PDFs, we can't justify keeping you on."

'Thinking INSIDE the box is actually quite underrated!'