Image-conscious Guru Pillows

'You must find it very tiring being a power-crazed megalomaniac?'

"National security adviser"

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'

Public Relations 101: Today's Lecture: 'Weapons of mass deception.'

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

"Excuse me, it's my reminder to get a life."

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

'Do you have anything that reeks of power?'

"Don't make me look fat!"

'It's an easy product to sell. We just have patients view themselves in high def.'

If clothes make the man make sure yours don't make you into a twat.

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

All-knowing mountain guru consults the internet.

"The President wants a calm, measured, evenhanded speech that kicks some serious butt."

"This will maintain your rebellious image in states with helmet laws."

'Make sure they fit straight'

"Yes, the glasses work well, but now that I can clearly see what we're fed, I've lost my appetite..."

"I'm sorry, Derek, but, now that Kelsey has learned how to convert JPEGs into PDFs, we can't justify keeping you on."

'Thinking INSIDE the box is actually quite underrated!'

'I see your office is as secure as your website.'