Hypocrisy Hound Gifts

Eco Thinking

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Consider yourself chased."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

An election candidate giving contradicting promises.

'No need to shout.'

'Good dog!'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

'Heel.'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

K9 Litterati.

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

"And yet, I too am a still life."

Canine Scent-ipede

'It says here that most people believe what they read in the papers.'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

'I knew him before he became a police dog!'

'Why good dogs go bad.'

"I know you're angry at me - I'm angry at me, too!"

"Personally, I never take anything but aspirin."

Shops:Under cut, Upper cut, Half cut

"What are you trying to say, Rex?"

News: Clown found in hot tub with pigs

Comedy Vicar Competition