Hypochondriac Hilarity Gifts

Unfortunately his reaction to the flu increased over the years...

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

Providing Healthcare For All

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

"Are you sure you're not holding your breath?"

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Your's may be a case of hypochondria so I'm going to refer you to an imaginary colleague."

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Hypochondria Hospital

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

"I think I'm coming down with something."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

"Hypochondriac's handbook. A little passion project I'm working on;, or, rather, I would be working on."

'I know just how you feel.'

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL, 'Emergency, sir! -- Hypochondria has reached epidemic proportions!'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

Are you sure you're not holding your breath?

'The good news is it's not bird flu.'

Stay away from Pigs.

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'While I'm here, Doctor . . .'

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.