Hymnal Hummer Gifts

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Hildegard von Bingen

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Priest

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

Eurovision Hymn Contest

"You asked to see me, boss?" "Yes, Rudy. We have a serious problem here." "I'm going to need you to stop humming the 'Star Wars' theme 24/7." "Disney is notoriously litigious. If they catch wind that you're publicly performing the theme, they may sue the cafe for royalties." "Daaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh daaaaaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh... wait, what?" "If you cost me my livelihood, I'll do to you what Han did to that Tauntaun."

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

'...And for those of you who cant remember the words...'

Thomas Dorsey.

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

The minister's a sub, so we're all going to sing the wrong hymn, pass it on …

"Hmm Hmm. Hmm Hmm."

"I can't get the Grease soundtrack out of my head."

'For you information, hymns are meant to be sung, not whistled.'

Okay

"In the absence of a piano....."

'Doesn't this jukebox play anything but hymns?'

'We thought it fit his rather plaintive personality.'

Your new hymn seems to be about your sports car and guitar! Yes, it's my take on 'All Things Bright and Beautiful'.

'What number is the hymn 'All things bright and beautiful'?'

'According to my records, you never went to church and hardly ever watched 'Songs of Praise'.'

You should have got the hint when we denied your friend request.

"Is it legal for 'Bringing in the Sheaves' to be the on hold music at the Department of Agriculture?"

"Trying to explain the difference between praise and worship."

"Okay, who's singing 'How great thou Arrrrrrrrt?"

"We have another request for stairway to heaven. Any other requests? Anything?"

When Ernie gets a song stuck in his head, he doesn't have room for anything else.