Husbands Gifts

Ned helped out

'I got twenty dollars for your motorbike, is that good?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

"... me being in the the plumbing trade, I sorted something out."

'These weight loss pills really work! My pot belly is gone!!'

'I do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do.'

"Diversification doesn't mean hiding the money under the mattress, the sofa and 2 chairs!"

"My dishwasher is broken. My husband sprained his wrist."

"Alright to tweak the central heating down a notch dear?"

"I'm having a problem with the Ultra-Super Max Plumber's Helper you sold me yesterday."

'It's a wonder I got him to go on vacation at all!'

THE GOLDMANS HIRE A MEDIA CONSULTANT.

Husband and Wife Teams

'I got you the huge warehouse size detergent. I know it's heavy, but just wake me up and I'll pour it in the washer for you.' 'My man. So big, so strong, so helpful.'

'That's no stray, walk your wife's dog in your own time, Simkins!'

'What do you mean you're going into labor, dear? It's only Saturday. Can't you wait 'til Monday?'

Father to mother: 'Don't look now, but I think the baby just downloaded.'

'But I could be wrong, Mrs. Fisk, He MAY die after all.'

'I want a dozen long stemmed roses. I'm going to stick them right in his ear!'

"He was twelve when we first met. Now, he;s twenty one... Stone, that is."

"Just so it won't confuse you - the meal I've just called you for is in real time; the programme you're watching is a repeat."

"When Ed suggested 5 potato, 6 potato, 7 potato more, I suggested a vasectomy."

"What took so long? I didn't feel like singing Happy Birthday while washing my hands, so I took a shower."

"Focus, Gerald, focus!"

"What? I filed our taxes online and now I'm celebrating."

"So I'm guessing your wife is still visiting her mother."

"Fred is worse than Attila the Hun, but I can live with that."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Hey, here's someone who looks just like a young you!"

"Sweetie, is this the kind of person you always wanted to be?"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"The groceries are in the car."

Olive Loaf.

'Ha! Who said flowers don't have a sense of humour?'

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'