Husband Gifts

"I miss you too, honey. Now put the dog on."

"I told you we didn't need a tree."

"All right, have it your way - you heard a seal bark!"

"I can't remember - do I work at home or do I live at work?"

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

Scenes from a successful marriage.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

French horn.

Self-Help Books Families for Lockdown

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Pull!'

"Aphids on the heliotrope!"

"I'm sorry darling, did I just say, 'I hate you with every micro-fiber of my being'?"

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

"I tried working at home, but my wife didn't like me performing colonoscopies in the dining room."

"Surprise! It's my birthday."

"I'm sorry dear - I've lost the little ball down the little hole again."

The Crossroads of Wisdom: Past Mistakes, Future Gambles and Listen to Your Wife.

'He's been keeping busy as usual, doing odd jobs around the house.'

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"Shall we join the ladies?"

"Now that the kids are grown and gone, I thought it might be a good time for us to have sex."

PSA Banter.

'Did your shooting improve today, Dear?'

"I've decided to purge our material goods, starting with your crap."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"I take it you didn't like my meatballs."

Difference of Opinion

"Mind if I put on the game?"

"I happen to think the blue light of the TV screen is very romantic."

Man Lifting Heavy Block

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."