Hurricane Preppers Mugs

New Orleans awaits the next Hurricane.

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Natural Disasters

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

The End is Nigh

S.O.S. vaccine

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Holiday Gifts 2020

'I keep them around for unruly octopi, or giant radioactive spiders... you know, just in case.'

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

Disasters

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

Trick or Treatment.

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

Fire Assembly Point

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

'The tropical tax haven where he offshored his business was just hit by a tsunami.'

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go

"As you can see, hands are about to hit peak dryness, so we're predicting record lotion sales for next quarter."

"The asteroid will hit in 2032, but I’m prepared!"

'Of course the scientists have got this all wrong about climate change.'

In case of fire call yourself.

Hazmat suit

I survived end of the world after party.