Humorous Health Seeker Gifts

"Every time I go on a diet, he brings up the land of milk and honey."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

'I'll take #1.'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."