Humorous Health Fans Gifts

"The hip bone's connected to the...' Once you start humming, it all comes back to you."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

M.D. You burned a hole in your stomach --- eat only bland foods from now on! No more spicy food?! It's a season-ending injury!

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"It says here you've been experiencing peels of thunder�"

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

'I'll take #1.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

Hipness Replacement Surgery.

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

"C'mon, walk it off!"

Miss Twaddle, cancel all my appointments.

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

"I remember the days of skim, 1% and even 2%. Now, it's right to the whole milk section."

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

'The knees are the first thing to go.'

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

'The bad news is you've got something no one's ever heard of...the good news is we're naming it after you!'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

"If these don't make you feel better in a week you can come back here and kick my arse."

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

With exercise equipment, it goes on layaway after I buy it.

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

Clown with balloons to diabetic: 'Hey, could you take your shot over there?'