Humorous Dilemmas Gifts

'Is it all right for a vegetarian to wear a poodle skirt?'

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"If we went to war, wouldn't God be on the spot?"

"C’mon, Sara. Like you wouldn’t consider – even for a second – accepting an iPhone from the devil."

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

Angel and devil versions of a man prepare for a shoot out.

ACCOUNTANT-IN-RESIDENCE: "John, we're going to have to cut back on the cadmiums."

New Years Reolutions

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'She leaves before I finish her portrait.'

'If you don't mnage to have enough sunshine you should eat more of oily fish, black caviare, eggs and butter.'

"Look, you always hated the wicker furniture and bamboo is scarce, so consider it a win-win."

"This is a Soul Card. We deduct a small monthly fee, and you get your looks back as long as there is a positive balance."

"Oh shit! What have I done? Undo key! Undo key!"

'Would you knock it off with the 'woulda-coulda-shoulda'!'

'I think your doctor gave you the wrong note, Sir. We don't have any bread and milk.'

The angel and the devil.

"Which would you prefer - coming under fire or being raked over the coals?"

"He was gold prospecting, but since he dropped his phone in the water, he's now phone prospecting."

When it came time for Phil to summon his better angels, he had a heck of a time figuring out which ones they were.

A Salesperson's Dilemma

'I'm concerned about your felony conviction. This company prides itself on having the kind of employees who don't get caught.'

100 Fat. Now with 50 less fat.

"...and then there's the small matter of that ball you planted on the fourth green."

"Yes it's a salad bar, but it's still mainly hay."

"I suggest that we grab a bite first."

"Insurance covered the broken ankle, but the deductible was painful."

"But he's always been nice to us."

A tiny man squeezing a giant's head in a vice

'A P.S. on his 'Do not resuscitate' form: 'On second thought, resuscitate'.'

"Should I just give him the ?1.50 or does that look tight? Would he say anything if I just walked past?"