Humorists Appreciating Irony T-Shirts

'FYI - this pan is bulletproof.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

End the Winter Blues

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

Hotel mini-bar.

You're Out Of Order

"From where I'm sitting, ha-ha, you're behind bars!"

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"Nothing can be done about crime unless you deal with the root causes in the environment."

Watch Your Step

"Just think of it, Charles – yesterday I was a caterpillar, and tomorrow I'll be dead."

'Need anything today?'

"I think we have an ant problem"

We're nocturnal. Do you know any nocturnes?

'Good news, I've just booked our holiday, it's two weeks in a caravan in Wales.'

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but the first minute I saw you I wished you the worst."

'I'm a fortune teller Phillip. Music is going to mark a key moment in your life.'

I'm sorry, but Mr. Peters isn't seeing anyone today. He's busy maintaining his deniability.

Marriage counsellor with 'Better' and 'Worse' desk trays.

'Would you mind blowing into this bag Sir?'

'No, but you're getting warmer.'

'I see lot's of water...'

Venetian without the knowledge

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

"No way I'm going to curtsy! This "King of the Jungle" business has really gone to your head, hasn't it?!"

I'm very impressed with your resume. Especially the part about your inability to make decisions by yourself.