Those Who Love Irony T-Shirts

'You get the diet book which you won't read, the exercise bar which you won't use and the workout CD which you won't watch, for only $29.99.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

End the Winter Blues

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

You're Out Of Order

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.